The Crazy, Perverted Victorian List

Yesterday I sat my final entitled 'Madness and Sexuality in Victorian Literature'. It is a class that I have absolutely loved, of course because of the veiled sexual metaphor, but also because the rise of psychiatry in the Victorian era is fascinating, and appalling.

Basil by Wilkie Collins

Not Collins' most famous work, but full of gothic craziness. There is a particularly enjoyable Freudian dream (decades before Freud).

The Professor by Charlotte Bronte

Another creepy Victorian male protagonist. Another work of psychological fiction from the perturbed mind of Charlotte Bronte.

Tithonus by Lord Alfred Tennyson

Lucretius by Lord Alfred Tennyson

The Lady of Shallot by Lord Alfred Tennyson

Fatima by Lord Alfred Tennyson

Mariana by Lord Alfred Tennyson

Tennyson is the master of (actually explicit) sexual metaphor. His genius mind was full of filth. Any lover of language and erotica will find their appetites amply satisfied.

Porphyria's Lover by Robert Browning

The Last Ride Together by Robert Browning

The Statue and the Bust by Robert Browning

Soliloquey of the Spanish Cloister by Robert Browning

Browning, in my humble opinion, is a poor man's Tennyson, but his mastery of the dramatic monologue is certainly worthy of note. Oh, and of course the filth is there, in abundance.

Goblin Market by Christina Rossetti

Possibly the greatest of the 'poetry' section. Glorious writing, superb fodder for homoerotic speculation.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

'What?', I hear you cry, 'Jekyll and Hyde isn't erotic!' To which I reply, reread it. Homocentric, homoerotic and super creepy.

Lady Audley's Secret by Mary Elizabeth Braddon

The Female Malady: Women, Madness and English Culture, 1830-1980 by Elaine Showalter

Lady Audley and her bonkers secret finds a perfect companion piece in Showalter's fascinating study of the history of women and madness in English culture.

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Oh Twilight, you sad excuse for literature, you focused on the sexual tension of teenage angst when Stoker already showed us the crazed sexuality of vampires, and it is all about orality. Fools!

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Oh fantastic, fantastic Oscar. Oh glorious, wonderful literature.

The History of Sexuality: The Will to Knowledge by Michel Foucault

The Repressive Hypothesis, probably the seminal work on sexual repression (Ha, knew I'd find a way to work semen into the discussion)

Top 10 'Unsuitable' Books for Teenagers

As seen on The Guardian's Children's Books page... A list of books that are "best read when people tell you you're too young for them". Certainly some great additions to the Book List. I recently read The Virgin Suicides for my American Contemporary Literature class (funnily enough, Dracula was also on the course), and I've found it very hard to articulate how I felt about it. 'Haunting' is the best word I can come up with.

The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger

The obvious first choice, but not necessarily because of its literary reputation. It needs to be read when you're young. If you first meet Holden Caulfield when you're too old, the desire to give him a good slap might impede your enjoyment.

The Stand by Stephen King

For his sheer ability to get teenagers to love reading, Stephen King is a saint. I did a book report on Pet Sematary in 8th grade. My English teacher, bless her forever, gave me an A. I pick The Stand because if you're an adult, it's a bit long. If you're a teenager, it's War and Peace. Scratch that, if you're a teenager, it's better. And that's no bad thing.

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

Speaking of 1000+ page books, Infinite Jest is filled with all the things that are brilliant to read when you're young: unembarrassed cleverness, a cheeky take on the future, hilarious experiments with form, and a serious sense of accomplishment when you're finished.

Beloved by Toni Morrison

I read Beloved when I was 15, and it felt like the first time being allowed to sit at the grown-up's table. I may not have followed every word, but I was mesmerised. And I learned without even knowing I was being taught.

The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides

One of those literary, award-winning adult novels that I secretly think was written for teens all along (see To Kill A Mockingbird). No, it won't encourage suicide, but it will encourage an appreciation for elegant writing and ring true for how isolating the teenage years can feel. Plus, it's in third person plural! What's not to love?

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Next, a couple of classics that are better in your teens. Dracula first because it's still fast-paced, scary and appealingly pervy. Plus, it's important to know that vampires don't play baseball. And honestly? They never would.

Middlemarch by George Eliot

Because Middlemarch should be read when you're 14. And again when you're 23. And again at 31. And 45. And 52. And 68. And 84. It will, astoundingly, be a different book every time.

Maul by Tricia Sullivan

Two personal choices now. Read Tricia Sullivan's fantastic, profane and mind-bending Maul mainly because it's very important to start loving brilliant genre fiction before older readers can tell you to be a snob about it. Plus, far-future gender politics and teenagers with machine guns in a shopping mall. I ask again, what's not to love?

Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins

Tom, not Harold. This book is the whole reason for this list. I read it probably a dozen times from ages 15 to 17, and was amazed to discover that fiction could be, of all things, playful. That it didn't always need to be polite. That it could have runaway metaphors just for a laugh. And that the naughty bits could be told with a smile. It opened my eyes to a world of possibilities in my own writing, and is probably the most formative book I ever read. And you know what? I haven't read it since. I can't bear to. Seen through the eyes of my adult self, who knows how disappointed I'd be? Let it remain forever, gloriously, in my teenage years.

Unrecommended by Unnamed

And here's where it gets tricky. I can't possibly recommend some of the books that I and others read when we were teenagers. I mean, really, is Trainspotting in any way appropriate for a teenager? And what about the Jilly Coopers and the Jackie Collinses and, heaven help us, Flowers in the Attic? We older folks may have cherished, er, survived reading them at your age, but you're too young, WAY too young, to read any of these books that are easily available at your local library. Listed alphabetically by author. So the Cs would be near the front and Ws near the back. But I couldn't possibly recommend that.